It's almost like the midnight chimes and cheers and kisses and sparklers are expected to materialize into super ambitious body invading aliens to carry the resolution out for us.
This time last year, I was feeling pretty dang fine. I had just had a baby, and was confident that my first novel, The Tortures of Blight, was very close to going on submission. I made my New Year's resolution to get it sold.
That didn't happen. I didn't even get to submission, and while I was relieved to be able to step away and put the year long treck through revisions behind me, I did feel like a little bit of a failure.
What does this have to do with New Year's resolutions?
At the end of the old year, the prospect of a new untouched one seems so wonderful and refreshing. Endless possibilities, right? YES. But I think that I, as do many others out there, sort of expect some of the stuff to fall into place. You lit your heart on fire making the damn resolution to begin with, then you had a party in its honor...isn't that enough? NO. And if you end up "failing," you will get the exact opposite feeling of that adrenaline fuck-yeah-I-can-do-this rush you felt when you officially decided what your resolution was in the first place.
And when a feeling of that intensity comes over you, it will often affect how you continue living after it goes away. You'll naturally want to protect yourself from feeling that way again, and a lot of times the easiest way of making that happen is to shoot lower. Please don't do that.
There are endless possibilities for all of us, friends, no matter what day of the year it is.
Still, I don't treat this time of year like any other. I still love the New Year state of mind, but I've decided this year that instead of a resolution, I will simply evaluate why whatever resolution I would have chosen feels too difficult/scary to jump start without the advantage of the drug like anything-is-possible feeling the holiday brings.
I want to get a book deal this year. It is my dream. When I'm bored in bed at night, I fantasize about the moment it happens, I fantasize about deadlines, I fantasize about stressing the fuck out to meet them. But instead of leaving it at that, like I did last year, I'm going to put forth that focus into doing what I can to make it happen, instead of just going through the motions to get closer.
I'm not going to even think about the fantasies of being published while I'm actually writing, which I believe I did while revising Tortures and which I believe I haven't done while revising Take. And after only 3 drafts, as compared to the 9 or so Tortures endured (that could be totally off, I feel like I lost count lol) my agent is telling me that my *final* notes for Take will be on their way to me right after the new year kicks off.
For me, this new year brings hope with it, and I don't want to confine myself to a single resolution or count my success around it. There are many things that I'd like to accomplish this year: move further ahead in my career, lose some weight, save enough money to move to Oregon, yada yada yada.
But tonight as I'm counting down the final seconds left in this year, I will raise my glass and cheer and be happy about looking forward. I will be ready to take on obstacles, I will be ready to try my hardest. Giving up on a resolution is easy, giving up on a well thought out and deeply rooted goal is not.
So cheers to the new year!!! Let's go kick it in the ass, instead of just making a polite wish to do so.
-A.
3 comments:
I totally understand what you mean. I tend to make new years resolutions, and I also tend to forget about doing them after about two days, and usually forget what they even were after a month (or less.)
But I do like the idea of using a new year as a new slate, because sometimes you just do need that reason to make a change, however flimsy. This year, I actively decided to forgo the resolutions thing and instead thought about what I want to do this year that's within my control, and made goals. Many of them won't (or better not) take all year, and every single one is attainable. You're totally right, too--you can make these goals any time of the year and they should mean just as much.
Amy, you are so kickass. You will get a book deal this year. Yes, YOU WILL.
I don't do resolutions. They never work out for me.
I don't necessarily use New Years Resolutions. Resolutions? Yes, but I don't think anyone should wait a year to become ambitious about something. And kind of like what Kaitlin said, my resolutions are usually ones that I have 100% control over. :)
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