Content debates are like the mold of the YA community. No matter how hard we scrub at it, and swear there is no trace left, it always freakin' comes back for more.It kind of rotates around- swearing, drinking, drug use, sex.
Sex.
Sex is the one that's hot right now, but that's not why I'm blogging about it. I'm blogging about it because I can't help but say what I want to say, and I've read some posts and comments that really have me scratching my head.
I am wondering how it is that people are under the impression that having books that contain sex are "shoving sex down teenager's throats at every possible opportunity?" Why are people claiming that sex in YA "glorifies" teen sex? Is it because the MC is happy about the sex when they damn well shouldn't be? And also, why are people pretending that sex in YA never has consequences, or even a point?
Are there a bunch of books out that I've never heard of where the main characters have sex and then immediately gain a perfect life as a direct result? What is glamorous about a dying teen having sex to put a check mark on her bucket list? About a girl who has such horrible self esteem issues that she has sex to attempt and correct them? I could go on forever. I could list every sex scene, every motivation, every gritty raunchy blush-inducing paragraph to be published under the name YA. I could even list the ones that are all champagne and roses and wedding ring dreams and THAT WAS SOOOO GOOD afterward, and it'd all still be the same thing.
If the issue is supposedly so complicated and has this need to be dissected and organized into Acceptable and Unacceptable piles, and written in six section long blog posts that break down each and every reason WHY the blogger feels that exact way, then why on earth is the blanket phrase "Sex in YA" being used? I'm not seeing posts against "Sex in YA Books Where I Don't Approve of the MC's Motives," or posts like "Sex in YA Should Only Be Used If The Sex Is Not Casual And If It Is Casual Then There Needs To Be STD's Or A Fetus."
The debate is sex, all sex, in YA. In a perfect world, everybody could settle on "when it's a part of the story." Because to the reader, the completely average, I-saw-this-book-in-the-library-and-the-cover-was-neato-so-why-not teen reader, IT IS SIMPLY A PART OF THE STORY.
And yes, even if they (the average teen reader) are unaware of the debates that go on in our little corner of the net, the actual sex may/may not have an effect on them. Think of it this way: a ton of teens, of different moral background/stances, read the same book. Some of them might be inspired to sign abstinence pledges after reading such a dirty, disgusting book. Some may be inspired to be wild and go off and contract a rainbow of STDs and get knocked up after that sensational, guilty pleasure of a read.
Either way, we are not controlling or manipulating the actions of this teen like some people claim we are. I'm not saying authors have no responsibility in what they write. I'm just saying that the parent's responsibility is obviously the big one, the most important and influential one, and that's the end of the story.
Personal experiences will always, always affect our views on things such as this. I get that, and that's why they are opinions. I could get all real and share what age I was when I lost my virginity and what happened as a result and how it affected my views, but that would do absolutely nothing to change the fact that the books being complaining about are getting distributed read and appreciated by somebody out there.
YA books are not instructional books regarding how to live your life. They are stories that need to be told, by someone. That girl you call a slut, that girl you say is irresponsible, that girl you say is not a good example. She's out there, and she's real, and she's reading.
So where do I stand? I stand on the "everybody has different morals, so let there be books that support all types" side, whatever side that may be. And everybody needs to accept everybody else's opinions, because no amount of debating is going to make us all agree or deem one side or the other Correct. (That'd be horribly boring anyway, right?)
Wishing for a certain subject or type of content to be squelched or watered down because it offends certain people is wishing for censorship.
Realize that any one person's experiences are just as valuable, and just as relevant, no matter how "trashy," "wrong," "distasteful," "unnecessary," "unrealistic" or "gratuitous" you BELIEVE they are.
13 comments:
There's far more casual sex in most 8PM sitcoms than in most YA where sex, fun or fraught, is usually at least reflected up on some level. Just sayin' Thanks for this post!
Realize that any one person's experiences are just as valuable, and just as relevant, no matter how "trashy," "wrong," "distasteful," "unnecessary," "unrealistic" or "gratuitous" you BELIEVE they are.
Hear, hear! I agree so much with this post.
What I find extraordinary is how one-sided this tendency to rant seems to be. You don't come across all that many people writing long posts on how books which have a very strong religious message on sex, or which depict sex as an entirely negative experience, or which show teens who have sex as slutty and doomed, are unnecessarily harsh and unrealistic - even though I feel they often can be. But if people want to write them and other people want to read them, I'm fine with that. We all are. So why is it that so many of the readers and writers who like 'pure' books are not willing to grant the same license to people who see sex and teenage sexuality differently? Is it really so impossible for them to even try to see things from a different point of view?
Thanks so much for stopping by, Stasia and Ash!
Zoe- SUCH GOOD POINTS. Another thing that's confusing is how many claim that "all" books in YA are "saturated" with sex. They are acting like there aren't any sex-free books out there, (there are MANY.)
Basically, what I'm hearing is, "The sex is preventing me from enjoying a story I would have otherwise enjoyed." Well, they might have enjoyed it without the sex, but that is not how the author wrote it and that is ALL.
It's never fun to realize that you may not be in targetted audience of a book that you really wanted to like. But that doesn't reflect anything about the author or even the content...it reflects how you view yourself and handle your own personal opinions. If something is that offensive, there is ALWAYS the option to close the book and walk away.
Amy - I think the unwillingness to close the book and walk away comes from the same place as the ranting. People who despise the idea of sex in YA often make an assumption that it's their duty to educate others, that without their guidance, readers (especially young readers) just are not clever/discerning/moral/well-brought up enough to decide to close a book which depicts sex in a way that they find distasteful. But people aren't just blank slates waiting for someone to come along and write 'SEX SEX SEX' on them in order to become raving, sex-obssessed wantons. If readers were really that impressionable these guys would probably be...you know...having sex, instead of ranting about it. :)
Amy, I love to see posts like this from rational human beings. ;)
Honestly, I learned more real facts about sex and relationships from books than I did from my friends (who were as experienced as I was--not at all!). We were all scared to death of sex because we'd heard so many rumors about the size of a guy's you know what, all untrue. ;)
I'd love to see more YA books address the fact that there are more consequences from having sex than just pregnancy or STDs, just as long as it fits the story that needs to be told.
Yes, Zoe!
And Tere- I also read about sex/sexual things in books before coming even close to doing them in real life. I never took what I was reading as instructions, and I never ever felt pressured. (I definitely HAVE felt pressured on the main character's behalf, though, but that just means it was damn good writing.)
I feel like these anti-sex-in-YA rants totally go hand in hand with "Kids are getting more and more obese, SO LET'S SUE MCDONALDS' type of arguments. The burgers are there, they are readily available to anyone with money. There are advertisements which are blamed for 'shoving the fast food culture down children's throats.'
But nobody is about to put a freaking warning or disclaimer on the burger wrapper.
YES!!
I have been fuming the whole day. I believe we've read the same blog post ;) Totally agree with everything you've said, but the part about the "slutty" girl being out there and reading really hit home for me. These aspiring YA authors, or YA book readers, are often NOT the target audience. They want teens to be deprived of something that is essential to human development. If a teen doesn't want to read a book with sex in it, that's their decision. But don't bash YA because it contains something you don't want them doing.
Also, the whole "authors are promoting/glorifying sex" speech makes me laugh. Hard. As you said, each story has its purpose. YA authors aren't trying to cram a message down readers' throats, or brainwash anyone. They're TELLING A STORY. Sometimes, those stories have sex in them :)
Amazing post. Now let's see if I can retract my claws...
AMPARO! Sing it, girl! :D
<3
Amy, this post is GREAT. I am on the same side - the "we all have different morals and those should ALL be represented in books" side.
I am not rampaging against conservative messages in YA. I never will. So it feels unfair that those who do write about sex have their morals criticized. Definitely a one sided argument, as Zoe said.
Sex in YA seems a bit moot when at the same time I started reading THOSE books, I was ALSO discovering adult books that ALSO had sex in them. Just because there is a subcategory for young adults doesn't mean that that is all that young adults read. Is very silly.
AMEN! Love this post and wish we weren't always so uptight about sex.
see, this is why i love your blog so much. KEEP ROCKING!<3
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