Something happens when we finally reach the official 'adult' stage of our lives: we start feeling this pressure of what we're supposed to be, and little by little, the hopeful ambitions of childhood are transformed into something a little more.....believable. Dreams of achieving the big thing, your it, your deepest desire, fizzle into something that starts to feel a little like a life running on auto-pilot.
So we daydream.
We stare into space after learning that there is not enough money to pay a bill, daydreaming of a future where finances are comfortable, and of the things we'd be able to do if that stress were to just disappear. We'd have time to pursue hobbies. We'd have time to enjoy the small things.
And we lay in bed at night, imagining what it would be like to get a book published, imagining working at home and enjoying the world how it was meant to be enjoyed, with walks and star gazing and roasting marshmallows with your family.We imagine success. We create pretend scenarios in our heads, leaving out not a single detail, and bask in the pulsing feeling of a truly happy heart.
We know exactly how we want our lives to turn out, but there is a very easy-to-make mistake that take away a person's chances of achieving their dream, just like that, turning the daydream into a fantasy.
Sometimes, it's easy to believe that the intensity of our want for something is somehow correlated with the chances of actually getting it. It's an easy mistake to make because the passion is so fierce, spiritual almost, that it has to mean for something, right?
It does, more than anything really, but it is only one of two mandatory pieces of the puzzle. The other piece is action, genuine action, the kind where you figure out how to zoom your perspective out enough to know the reality of what you have to do to achieve your dream. Learning the necessary steps, figuring out what you have to bring to the table, and most importantly, knowing that you're capable of doing it.
When I was unagented, the dream sort of ended with getting an agent, because I couldn't even comprehend anything happening past that. I focused all of my daydreaming on getting 'the call,' telling all my friends that I'd gotten an agent, telling my family that I'd hopefully be published soon. So when I actually got my agent, my mind had nothing to strive for, and I believe it may have negatively affected my ability to revise my novels with my very best efforts.
Half assing things we're afraid of is so much easier, but in the end, it will not yield the result that you imagined before drifting off to sleep at night. You have to give your best, you have to be your best, because in the end it's that type of effort that will leave you feeling the best about yourself. And you have to feel good about yourself, even if just a little, if you want to take things to the next level.
In truth, I'm a raging daydreamer and always have been. I distinctly remember fantasizing about what it would be like to be an author when I was very small, but it was never a notion that I nurtured out of my subconscious until much later in life. And once the dream was born, it never let up. If you have obsessive compulsive disorder, you know what it's like to be every detail in your thoughts, instead of just thinking about them. After awhile, the fear of failure becomes less intense until the bars are just wide enough for you to wriggle through.
Then the battle begins- persistence, positive thinking, honing your writing craft while still providing quality work for your potential future career. Yeah, it's scary. It's scary as fuck.
But when it gets intense, when the doubt starts giving you sore shoulders and crappy chapters and an extra ten pounds from all the nervous snacking you've been doing, there is a way to wipe the slate clean and remember your ultimate goal.
Daydreaming lets you go back to that place of success, gives you something to hope and work for.
For me, it's a big beautiful home in the woods, with tons of windows and a fireplace and a kitchen that always has something delicious bubbling on the stove. It's working at home, traveling often, and enjoying my time with my love and our Squidlings.
Cheesy? Hella. But it got me to where I am today, and I have a feeling that it will help determine where I'm going tomorrow.
What is your biggest dream?
6 comments:
"The other piece is action, genuine action, the kind where you figure out how to zoom your perspective out enough to know the reality of what you have to do to achieve your dream. Learning the necessary steps, figuring out what you have to bring to the table, and most importantly, knowing that you're capable of doing it."
This is so apt, I had to quote it. Particularly relevant to my own life, Amy, so thanks for this post.
I'm a daydreamer, too, and I had the same sort of experience once I was agented. It was as if my brain was saying, "Well, now what?" even though I knew I needed to focus the determination that got me an agent into revising my novel.
I'm going through a similar decision right now, whether or not to buy a house that needs a complete remodel. Other people keep telling us, "Oh, you can do it!" or "Don't do it!" depending on their own experiences, but we can only make a decision based on what we know about ourselves.
Have a great weekend!
Yes, Tere, absolutely! And thank you so much.
I love this.
very beautifully written.
Its funny you post this because, like you, I have spent a large large amount of my life day dreaming. I still do. I was this morning actually.
My problem is, whenever I try to really focus on something, I am confused at what my "one true dream" really is.
Amy, this post is fan-freaking-tastic! So well said!
So so so so SO true.
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